I know it’s been awhile and I wish I could come back to you with a profound post to knock your socks off, but I don’t have one. Instead, I have a post about dedication. Or in my case, the lack thereof.
As strong as my faith is, I’m not ashamed to say that I struggle with my walk with God. Of course, God is not lacking on His side, but in my case – it’s about temptation. Temptation to have what everyone else has, temptation to dream beyond my means, and temptation to want a love I’m not ready for. Temptation Is the drug that pulls me away from God every single time, and even though I’m able to recognize my triggers – I still walk away. Why? Because I’m a babe in Christ.As much as I attend church, study God’s word daily and look to God for guidance throughout my day, it only took one call from my past for temptation to sneak back in. That phone call was a trigger for a jealously stewing deep inside of me, and instead of taking my jealously to God, I let it take control and win!
That’s what being a babe in Christ means. I had the key or the weapon to fight my demons, but I decided, “You know what Lord, I got this. I’m going to let you sit this one out”. What kind of mess is that? For nearly a month I lost battle after battle with my demons and each morning I looked at God’s word and said, “Nope, I don’t need you yet”. I chose to struggle with something extremely minor in God’s book all because I didn’t want to face God and say “Sorry, for walking away from you – again”. Especially when I knew better!
You see that’s my problem! Even when I know that God is going to be there for me – no matter what – I still struggle with being honest with Him. Like a child not wanting to face the music with upset parents, I didn’t want to face God and say, “Yup, temptation got me again. Please don’t be upset. It won’t happen again”. Why? Because it’s a lie.
I know IT will happen again. All because I’m choosing to not let go of every aspect of my life. I may have given my life to God, but I’m still moonlighting for me.
So here’s my plan to stop moonlighting:
(1) I have to apply God’s word to my life. For me, that means continuing to read His word daily, but this time I have to kick it up a notch and ask myself, “How does His word apply to my life or current situation?” It’s one thing to read a manual, but if you don’t apply the instructions to the task at hand…reading the manual is pointless.
(2) I have to take God with me everywhere I go. That means, taking a moment to talk to God EVERY TIME I feel weak against my temptations and fears.
(3) I have to stop being so critical of myself, and realize that my maturing process in Christ is just that…a process. Instead of criticism, I need to self-evaluate and make a change when necessary.
(4) Seek out assistance from those who have struggled and succeeded before me. I’m not talking about friends who give half-hearted advice, I’m talking about the spirituals counselors in my life who have experienced the same issues. That also means that I have to be open with my faults. My mentors aren’t mind readers…to receive help, I have to first state that I need help.
(5) I have to let go of my life and turn it over to God. It’s easy to give up the parts of yourself that you’re not attached to, but what about the parts you love? When you were a child and your parents asked you to give up some of your toys to Goodwill – Now be honest – did you give up your brand new toys or did you give up the toys in the back of your closet collecting dust? It’s the same with my life. If I want to obey God 100%, I have to give Him ALL THAT I AM. The bad, the good and the great!
Is this all of my plan? No, but it’s a great starting point! Should I succeed through this challenge, I will be more prepared when the next one hits. Please continue to keep me in your prayers and you know what, I’ll be thinking of you as well. I can’t be the only experiencing struggles in life, right? It’s time for a new dedication and I think today is the perfect day to say,
“Lord, I’m sorry and I’m ready to start again!”