Final One-Sided Conversation (Pt 3)

The final conversation!
This is part 3 of the “one-sided conversation” series. I know I said I would have four parts, but I was able to say everything in three. If you have not read parts one and two, please read those first before continuing below. 

As I sit on the edge of my bed contemplating how I got to this point…
A little voice inside of me says:

You say you know me, but I say you knew me.
You’re the people I chose to be a part of my life,
but every choice has a consequence and I’m tired of the fight.

I’m still me. I’m still the girl you loved,
but my choices can no longer be ruled by the world.
I need direction.
I crave purpose.
I didn’t do this to spite you. I didn’t do this to leave you.
This isn’t even about you. It’s about me.
It’s about grace.
It’s about Him.
It’s about His mercy.

I look up the ceiling with tears in my eyes and I continue…
no longer using the voice inside, but I say out loud to an empty room: 

This is about the nights you didn’t see.
This is about the nights you didn’t hear.
You think you know my story?
Tell me about the time He dried all of my tears.
You weren’t there the night He found me.
The night you were all too busy.
You didn’t feel what I felt.
You didn’t feel his arms surrounding me.
So that’s why I’m renewed.
That’s why I quote scripture.
That’s why my life is about service and,
That’s why my income no longer supplies my freedom.

Boldly I stand and pace the room stating…

That’s why I no longer seek comfort in YOUR arms.
That’s why my nose is always in the good book,
and that’s why my church is my haven from it all.
I give my all to the one who created it all,
not because I need to, but because I want to.
The blood running through your veins is just DNA to you,
but it’s the blood that washed me clean and Jesus means more to me…
than a story you hear once a year.

I sit back down on the edge of the bed with a silent strength, and stare at the walls thinking: 

For once, this is not about you!
I once cared about what each of you thought,
and your words controlled my actions.
However, there’s only one judge now and He’s watching how I react –
to your pushes and persuasion.
Life is a test and, as much as I love you…
my eternity is not based on you and your words.
It’s based on me, my actions and my dedication to HIS word.

I grab a kleenex off the nightstand, I dry my eyes, stand and walk to over to a bookshelf of framed memories. I look at each loved one and say:

I promise you this life is better. You just wait and see.
Save yourself. Do it today. Accept, Believe and Confess.
It’s the only way.
I’m proud to say…the girl I am today – She’s not going anywhere.
Either join me or let me be , but I hope you choose option A over option B.

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